I've been doing some reading and listening of late on relationships, intimacy, commitment and such things, and have also been thinking about prayer, and the way that I pray for people in the different relationships I have.
One of the things I've noticed is that when the potential for romantic relationship enters the horizon, it is really easy to stop praying for that person, and start praying for 'us'. I've come to the conclusion that there is something seriously wrong with that. How can I ever truly love someone if even my prayer life around that person is (at least somewhat) selfish? If my prayer is for my needs to be met more than the other persons well being? I'm not saying that I believe that it is inappropriate to pray for an 'us', but I wonder how often what is being prayed for is the end that I want, rather than truly for wisdom and guidance from the Lord in both my life and the lives of others.
Uncertainty is scary, and as I think back even to recent history with good friends, when the terrain got rough and the relationship got hard, it was easy to want God to miraculously restore the friendship, good as new. To stop praying for them and the hardships in their life, and to start praying for them as they related to me. After all, I missed them and wanted them back!
So as I look at this trend of praying in the face of anxiety and ambiguity in my relationships, I am becoming increasingly aware of what it really means to love someone selflessly. Maybe the way I pray for someone is one gauge - do I want blessing in their life or my own? Again, I'm not saying that the two don't ever intersect, but perhaps it's worth pausing for a moment and asking who I am really praying for.
4 comments:
That's a great insight, Jasie. I hadn't really thought about the "us" prayer as selfish before. It also seems to convey a sense of entitlement and assumption, leaving no room for the possibility of deferred hope.
i hear your point and can relate...but i wonder if sometimes that it is also influenced by how we are praying for someone when we do pray for "us". (i do think that we do need to pray for the person individually, and not lose the "individuality" of that person -related, but distinct, thanks greg l). i wonder if we have been caught in the paradigm that when we talk about "us" that we lose the "i" part and identities become murky and selfishness, as default due to just being human, takes over. so, i wonder if it is also in how we define and understand "us" that affects how we then perceive parties involved.
Luz-
And I think it can also bely a lack of trust. If there is one thing I've learned pretty unequivocally, it's that my plans and desires are not always best.
Gwennie-
I think that you're right in pointing out that the way we understand the 'us' matters, but I think that (for myself at least) I'm better off focusing on the other individual. I so often define and categorize things in relation to myself, and so there is a real danger of 'losing' the other person by thinking of them in terms of who they are/what I want them to be to me rather than who they actually are. Does that make sense? I'm all for praying for 'us', but my concern would be if that prayer got a lot louder and longer than my prayer for the other person.
yeah, i hear the infamous words...tension and critique...there has to be a referent outside of us, for reality to critique us...because reality is, there is a tendency to be self focused...
Post a Comment